You might feel shocked right now, like your brain can’t catch up with what happened. Or you feel sad in a way that sits in your throat all day. Or you’re angry, not just at them, but at yourself for caring this much. If you’re searching for how to get over a breakup, it’s probably because you want a way out of the looping thoughts, the heavy mornings, and the hollow evenings.
I know this can feel impossible right now.
Breakups can hit your body, too. Stress can wreck your sleep, crush your appetite, and cause real physical symptoms, like chest tightness, stomach flips, headaches, or bathroom changes. This guide will walk you through simple steps you can start today, so how to get over a breakup stops feeling like a mystery and starts feeling like a plan.
First, let yourself feel it, without letting it control you
You don’t heal by pretending you’re fine. You heal by telling the truth, then doing small things that keep you steady. If you want to learn how to get over a breakup, start here: allow the feelings to exist, but don’t hand them the steering wheel.
Grief isn’t just for death. It’s for the future you pictured, the routines you built, the version of you that felt safe. Some days you’ll miss them. Other days you’ll miss who you were when you felt chosen. Both can be true.
Also, pay attention to your body. Intense stress can show up as nausea, chest pressure, tight shoulders, IBS-type bathroom swings, or a constant lump in your throat. If symptoms are severe, new, or lasting, getting medical help is smart. You don’t need to “tough it out” to prove you’re strong.
I’ve been in that spot where everything feels too loud and too quiet at once.
Name what happened, and stop rewriting the story
Breakup pain gets worse when your mind keeps putting the past on trial. You replay tone, timing, and every sentence, trying to find the secret door back in. But closure usually isn’t a missing detail. It’s a decision you make.
Try separating facts from guesses:
- Facts: “It ended.” “They chose to leave.” “Trust broke.” “We don’t want the same things.”
- Guesses: “I’ll never be loved.” “Everyone leaves.” “I’m not enough.”
Those guesses feel real, but they’re not proof. They’re fear talking.
A quick journaling prompt that works when your thoughts won’t slow down:
- Write 5 facts about what happened.
- Write 5 feelings you have right now (no censoring).
- Write 1 need you can meet today (sleep, a meal, support, quiet, a walk).
You can’t rewrite the ending, but you can stop rewriting yourself into the villain.
Stop the pain loops: rumination, checking their social media, and late-night texting
Your brain will beg for contact because contact equals relief, for about five minutes. Then the crash comes. If your nights are the hardest, that’s normal. That’s also where you need guardrails.
A few simple ways to interrupt spirals:
- Set app limits for social media, even if it’s just 15 minutes.
- Remove shortcuts to their profiles, or mute their accounts.
- Keep your phone out of the bedroom, charge it across the room.
- Write the text in a notes app, then wait 24 hours before sending anything.
- Pick a “pause person”, a friend you can message first when you feel impulsive.
Boundaries aren’t mean, they are healing.
And yes, this is part of how to get over a breakup. Not because you’re weak, but because your nervous system is trying to soothe itself the fastest way it knows.
Make a clean break plan that protects your heart
Healing loves clarity. Confusion is a slow poison. A clean break plan doesn’t mean you’re cold, it means you’re kind to your future self. If you’re serious about how to get over a breakup, make your next week easier on purpose.
Start with one question: “What contact do I need for real, and what contact am I using to avoid the pain?”
You’re not trying to erase them. You’re trying to stop reopening the wound.
No contact, low contact, or necessary contact, choose the right level
Here’s plain-language guidance:
No contact: You don’t text, call, or check their pages. You don’t “accidentally” run into their spots. This makes sense if the relationship was unhealthy, the breakup was one-sided, or you can’t stabilize while they’re nearby.
Low contact: You keep it brief and practical, maybe once a week. This can fit if you share belongings, need to sort housing, or want a calm fade-out.
Necessary contact: You communicate only about shared responsibilities (kids, shared lease basics, work projects). You keep it neutral and short.
If you co-parent, share housing, or work together, keep it simple:
- Use one channel (text or email) so it stays clear.
- Stick to one topic at a time.
- Don’t use logistics chats to slide into emotional talk.
A script you can copy:
- “I’m focusing on healing, so I’m going to keep communication limited. If it’s about (kids, the lease, work), message me here. Otherwise I’m not available.”
If you slip up, don’t turn it into self-hate. Reset the plan, then move on. Don’t negotiate with loneliness. That’s how you end up in the same pain, with extra shame on top.
Remove reminders on purpose, and keep what matters safe
Triggers aren’t only memories. They’re objects, sounds, and tiny routines. You don’t have to throw everything away today, but you do need distance.
A quick checklist to reduce surprise gut-punches:
- Photos (including hidden folders and “memories” settings)
- Gifts and letters
- Playlists and shared shows
- Favorite places you went together (take a break from them for now)
- Inside jokes and nicknames that pull you back
- Shared accounts, subscriptions, and auto-logins
Try this: box physical items for 30 days. Tape it up, put it out of sight, then decide later. You’re not erasing history, you’re creating breathing room.
Do a basic digital cleanup, too:
- Change passwords if needed.
- Turn off location sharing.
- Log out of shared streaming services.
- Remove shared calendar access.
This is also part of how to get over a breakup, because healing gets easier when your day stops ambushing you.
Rebuild your life after a breakup, one small routine at a time
At some point, you’ll notice a shift. The pain still shows up, but it doesn’t run the whole day. That’s when rebuilding starts. If you’re learning how to get over a breakup, this is the part where you stop measuring progress by how little you hurt, and start measuring it by how well you care for yourself while you hurt.
Don’t aim for a brand-new life overnight. Aim for a steady day you can repeat.
I’ve seen people come back from heartbreak and end up stronger, calmer, and more grounded than they were before.
Also, if you’re a man dealing with anxiety after a breakup, your body might react in ways that feel scary. Stress can flare tension in the pelvic floor and worsen symptoms like urinary urgency, burning, or aches that feel “prostate-related,” even when the cause is stress and muscle tension. That doesn’t mean it’s “all in your head.” It means your body is taking the hit. Steady sleep, movement, and hydration matter more than you think.
Take care of your body first: sleep, food, movement, and stress relief
When your heart hurts, your basics slip. Then your mood gets worse, and it becomes a loop. Start small and boring. Boring is good right now.
A simple 1-day starter plan:
- Morning: get 5 to 10 minutes of outdoor light, even on a cloudy day.
- Breakfast: eat protein (eggs, yogurt, tofu, peanut butter toast).
- Midday: take a 20-minute walk, no pressure to “work out.”
- Water: set a simple goal, like 6 to 8 cups across the day.
- Night: pick a wind-down routine, shower, low lights, same bedtime.
Quick stress tools when you feel a surge:
- Slow breathing (inhale 4, exhale 6, repeat for 2 minutes)
- Cold splash on your face
- A 60-second stretch for shoulders and hips
- Prayer or meditation, if it fits your life
If stress triggers ongoing pain, urinary changes, chest symptoms, or panic feelings that won’t settle, talking to a clinician is a good step. You deserve support that includes your body, not just your thoughts.
And yes, these routines help how to get over a breakup because they steady your nervous system. A steadier body gives you a steadier mind.
Find your people again: friends, family, support groups, or therapy
Isolation makes breakups louder. Connection turns the volume down. You don’t need to tell everyone everything, but you do need at least one safe place to land.
Here’s a one-sentence ask that works:
- “I’m having a rough time after the breakup, can you check in on me this week?”
Two example texts you can copy:
- “Hey, I’m not doing great after the breakup. Can you hang out for an hour this weekend, even if we just walk or grab coffee?”
- “I’m trying to stay out of my head tonight. Are you free for a quick call?”
If the breakup brings up old wounds, depression, or anger you can’t manage, therapy can help you sort what’s current versus what’s historical. That’s not weakness, that’s maturity.
Get urgent help if you notice:
- Thoughts of self-harm
- You can’t eat for days
- Heavy drinking or drug use to numb out
- Risky choices that scare you afterward
If you keep showing up for your routines and your people, how to get over a breakup turns from a question into a pattern you live.
Conclusion
Getting through heartbreak isn’t about “getting over it” like it never mattered. It’s about moving forward without abandoning yourself. You do that in three main moves: feel it without spiraling, set a clean break plan, then rebuild routines and support until your days feel like yours again.
If you came here looking for how to get over a breakup, remember this: healing isn’t one giant decision, it’s a series of small, steady choices.
Take one 10-minute step today. Remove one trigger (a photo, a shortcut, a playlist), text one friend, or take a short walk outside. Start there, then do it again tomorrow.
